just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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