Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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