I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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