My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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