Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize