Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
