I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
