she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
