What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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