So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize