im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
