she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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