I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
