Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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