come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
