my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
