Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
