That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
