Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
