Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
