Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
