I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize