i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
