Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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