conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
