Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
