I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize