Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
