if you like me you must not know who I am
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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