I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
