i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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