O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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