Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize