A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
