So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
