that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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