i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
