you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
