why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
