for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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