I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
