look no pants
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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