just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize