I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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