I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The power of my boobs compel you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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