no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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