It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
