When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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