he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
