I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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