I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
