Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
