I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
