Having a random hookup so left but love u
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
