i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
