your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
