you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
