The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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