I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
