R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm bleeding and have questions
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
