Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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