you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fuck appropriateness.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
