He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
