Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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