; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
