Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
