my phone needs a breathalizer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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