Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Drake has all the answers
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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