that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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