Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
