That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
