i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
