the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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