things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
