Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
