We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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