dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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