I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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