You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
