remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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