i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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