She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
