why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
